What Really Happened at the Game Monday Night

My lovely wife and I were able to attend the Braves/Giants game on the 16th, and I decided to record the events of the evening and post them here in a live journal format. Enjoy!

5:15 PM: My wife and I arrive at Turner Field. If you’ve never been it’s a lovely stadium and some really cool things in it. Like a gluten-free food stand for my celiac affected wife. Big points Turner Field. Big points.

6:15: After watching the Giants batting practice and being unable to get any autographs, photographs or promises of a first-born child named after me, Kristen and I head up to get some grub and enjoy our seats.

6:45: While we watched the grounds crew water the infield I couldn’t help but think that they would be touching more infield territory than the Giants hitters would be.

6:50: The Tomahawk Girls shoot t-shirts into the stands. I wonder how many grown men will fall over themselves to get one. I put the over/under at 12 and I’m picking over.

6:57: Ceremonial first pitch. How do I get to do one of these?

7:04: My wife claps for the Braves players as they take the field. I remind her she’s decked out in Giants gear. I move 3 seats away.

7:07: The Braves PA guy keeps referring to this as the epic rematch from last year’s NLDS. Frankly I’ll be ok losing the rematch since, you know, we won the World Series. I mean seriously dude, are these 2 series even comparable?

7:11: First pitch. Aaron Rowand already struck out twice.

7:12: Cody Ross grounds out. This bodes well. Or not.

7:14: Jeff Keppinger breaks up Tim Hudsons no-hitter. Go Giants!

7:22: Bases are loaded with Brandon Belt coming up. My hopes are beyond high.

7:23: Belt flys out. Hopes crushed.

7:25: Pablo goes down after fouling a ball off of his foot. He’s replaced by Mike Fotenot. I can smell the runs!!!!

7:28: Madison Bumgarner loses his no hitter. To a Home Run. To Brian McCann on his first at bat back from injury. Goodie.

7:46: Orlando Cabrera is way too short. There should be 2 outs right now if this dude even was just wearing heels.

7:52: Saw a “Your beard is weird” sign. These people are so uneducated. How can they not appreciate its awesomeness? Side note: My wife is wearing a Fear the Beard shirt. She looks more beautiful than the day I married her.

8:10: Looks like another Giants inning of futility until Michael Bourn channels his inner Jose Canseco and bounces a ball off of his head.

8:34: Jeff Keppinger decides he’s had enough guff and makes Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman pay for standing in front of First Base as he legs out a base hit. Gamer.

8:36: Note: Mike Fontenot does not bat like Pablo.

8:51: Big Nate shows us what scoring looks like! GO GIANTS!

8:59: My good friend Devin texts me to go streaking on the field. I consider it.

9:03: Orlando Cabrera decides he prefers the ball to not stay in his glove, and would rather see Braves on the bases as opposed to getting out of the inning. Interesting strategy.

9:09: Dan Uggla makes one of the best plays I’ve ever seen a Second Baseman make. He was practically parallel to the ground throwing a ball to first. Even I have to applaud that play.

9:12: Cody Ross is out. Again. But the bigger news this time is Michael Bourn remembered this was baseball, not soccer, and he used his hands instead of his head to catch the ball.

9:22: Correction! Mike Fontenot DOES hit like Pablo! HR baby!

9:37: Top of the 9th, Giants up by 2, so why am I having panic attacks rather than trust the defending World Champions to hold a lead?

9:45: The Legendary Brian Wilson takes the mound. Children around the world rejoice, yet not the fans in Atlanta curiously enough. This is confusing to me, are there actually people who dislike Brian Wilson? How do you dislike the guy? He reeks of awesomeness. Then I realize this is not hate-booing. That is, not booing because you despise a player, like what I do when Shane Victorino comes to bat. He’s not ARod, or Barry Bonds or any other player that fans genuinely HATE. He’s probably the most charismatic and awesome character baseball has seen in decades. So he isn’t booed out of hate, but because it’s fun for the opposing team to boo him because of who he is. This makes me feel better, but still hoping he shuts down the Braves, just for giggles.

9:46: Why does Cabrera suck so much? Did he have his fielding ability genetically removed before this game? Holy cow.

10:02 PM: Giants lose on a full count, 2 out, bases loaded base hit. You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Even when we have an offense, it doesn’t matter. Honestly the blame rests with Cabrera, if he realizes the ball is in his glove with that first batter, then you have the pitchers spot coming up with 1 out, and that changes the ball game. Either that or it was a fake Brian Wilson on the mound tonight. Imposter! Still a highly enjoyable experience, and we’re still the World Champions, so I’ll take that.

(-NW)

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